Rev. Tony's Spiritual Challenge

Our theme this month is Deep Listening and my spiritual challenge to you is to practice listening to others so that they feel seen and understood.  Listening is a skill like any other. It can be learned, developed, practiced, and honed.  It can also be lost.  Like many skills, if you don’t use it you lose it.  This month, practice your listening skills.  At the end of the month see if you notice anything. Do you feel more settled and grounded? Do your conversations last longer?  Do interactions with others seem more meaningful? Do you feel better able to remain in the present moment? 

According to the Center for Creative Leadership, “You may need to brush up on your active listening techniques if any of the following questions describe you. Do you sometimes:

• Have a hard time concentrating on what’s being said, especially when the person speaking is complaining, rambling, or gossiping?
• Find yourself planning what to say next, rather than thinking about what the speaker is saying?
• Dislike it when someone disagrees or questions your ideas or actions?
• Zone out when the speaker has a negative attitude?
• Give advice too soon and suggest solutions to problems before the other person has fully explained their perspective?
• Tell people not to feel the way they do?
• Talk significantly more than the other person?

If you struggle with some or all of these, there are some things you can practice to improve your listening. It’s generally accepted that active listening requires skills such as paying attention and being as fully present as possible, withholding judgment, and positive body language (eye contact, learning in, nodding, and smiling). Also important are the ability to notice non-verbal cues and communication. It helps to ask open-ended questions to encourage further reflection and to reflect back on what’s been said.  Perhaps most important is the ability to listen to hear and understand rather than listen to formulate a response.  When listening, remain empathetic and withhold judgement and advice. As Parker Palmer says, “No teaching, no fixing, no setting each other straight.” It’s not our job to solve someone else’s problem, but it is our job to be there for them, listen to them deeply, and love and accept them.   

As always, if you take on the challenge, I’d love to hear about your experience with it.